I know it’s been a while but I’m back. I would like to thank everyone for their messages and words of encouragement for how my posts have helped you. I truly appreciate each message and uplifting statement that was said, as it helps me to continue to help people and see them for who they are and how they can be and not by their mistakes. I believe that if we help each other instead of judging one another that this world would be a much better place.
Why was I gone for so long? Well, over the last few months I have been dealing with a lot. I thought I was about to reach the point where I was just fed up and didn’t care anymore. Things weren’t going the way I wanted them to go. I wasn’t where I wanted to be and I was unhappy, frustrated with myself and sad. What was happening to me? I’m not use to these feelings. I’ve always been the happy, joyful one. I didn’t expect to be here and face the things that I was facing at my age. When I was younger I had vision, goals and a determination that just wouldn’t quit, it was a good time for me. I was the mover and shaker, the doer and innovator. Now, it seems like I’m the wonderer, the questioner –can this be done, the realist –is this really possible, and the skeptic. What was going on with me? I wasn’t the nice girl I was used to being; being short with people, saying rude things and not wanting to be around anyone. That isn’t me! It was like I was in a struggle with good and bad. I felt like I was sinking so far down, that I needed a helping hand to save me. How did I get here but most importantly, how do I get back to me and where I was? Well believe it or not the answer to that question is simple. Love you as you are regardless of your faults. You see I used to be so hard on myself to be perfect and right; flawless to no end. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to want to have everything just right, looking nice and as the way it should be but when it gets to the point where you don’t allow room for a mistake or to fail, that perfection becomes unreasonable and hard to attain. I was stretching, standing on a pedestal and jumping trying to reach something that was unattainable, and when I didn’t get it, how was I to cope?
When you try to be too perfect and want to have everything just right with no room for a mistake you set yourself up for failure because that’s unrealistic. Not everything will go the way we want it to and not everything will turn out just right. Not everyone will like us; we won’t make the cut sometimes and we occasionally may fail and let ourselves down. A lot of us believe in ourselves and that we can do what it takes to make it. All we have to do is work hard, be our best and it all will turn out alright, but what happens when it doesn’t? Will we beat ourselves up over it? After all, we believed, we sacrificed, we gave our all and even had a good feeling about our new venture but when it doesn’t go the way as planned, then what? What do you do then? Wasn’t that your life? Where do we go from here? Well, that’s how I felt. I questioned my ability and if I was on the right path. Am I able to do it? Am I going in the right direction and if I should still pursue my dreams? After all, I planned every step, turn and movement to make my dream a reality. Now what, when it doesn’t work out? I didn’t have a back-up plan because that dream was my life!
Well, one day as I was talking with my friend about a totally different topic, she told me she got a new job working for the NFL. Of course, I was happy for her and yelled “that’s great! You’ve got to introduce me all the ballas”, I said laughing with excitement. You don’t want to meet them, she said. I’m the one that rehabilitates them from their injuries. When they come to me it basically means that their career is over. Their injuries are so bad that they can’t play anymore. They’re moody, angry and hardly ever in the mood to speak or meet a fan because they are dealing with being replaced. I was saddened by her answer and yet surprised. I can understand the feeling of having something come to an end and not being able to live out your dream anymore but at least they were once at the top but that’s not how they see it. They let their success define them, that when they were no longer successful, and labeled as a “has been” they had no idea who they were let alone who they can be again. I stood there bewildered. Wondering, how can anyone let something like a job define who they are? Sure, you were in the big time but it was still just a job and you still have the connections. Then I realized to them it wasn’t just a job. It was what they worked for to achieve. What they fought to be perfect at, what they sacrificed to create – a good name for themselves that would give them respect and honor. Now they were replaced by the next best ball player and felt like their fame was no more.
This is what I was feeling. How did I let myself get here? Did I not feel like I was good enough? Was what I had in my life not sufficient? I quickly snapped back to reality and said I can’t live like this anymore. I wasn’t going to let my failures or setbacks cause me to miss out on what was for me let alone lose who I truly am. So. . . I may not be where I want to be right now but I can certainly get there, and I may not have what I want but I will be content with what I have.
Now the question then becomes, when your dreams don’t work out the way you want them to are you going to let defeat tell you who you are or are you going to believe in a new dream and have faith that something great happened once and something great can happen again; listening to the voice of victory.
One thing I’ve learned is to not be so hard on myself. Life happens and from time to time we may fail but appreciate who you are despite your faults and your past bad choices. This is the best thing you can do for you and for others.
From Me to You With Love,
- Painful Facts and How Writing on a Whim Helps Me (gotalotofnerveliterally.wordpress.com)
- Life Afterwards(2) – EPISODE 13 (glowingscenes.wordpress.com)
- Deadly Desires (akblasphemy48.com)
- 14. Letter to Self (52steps2change.wordpress.com)
- 06.04.2013 (confessionzofanalcoholic.wordpress.com)
- Letter from 2004…Aarhus Streets (aarhusculture.com)
- Themes for Pregnancy Dreams and What It May Means (everydayfamily.com)
- How Motivated are You? (thereadingworkshop.com)
- Friend vs Friend (speakingmemories.wordpress.com)
- Another Letter To You (simplymichelleraven.wordpress.com)