CRAP Happens! So What Are You Gonna Do About it?

Recently I started to question if God is punishing me. I had one series of events after another happen and neither are pleasant. I found myself standing in the middle of my room, looking up at the ceiling yelling “WHAT IS GOING ON?” Two days before I’m set to fly out of town, my car acts up and I end up paying $1,300 to get it fixed. Then the photographer my company hired acted like no one else was at the office retreat and took all of these unflattering pictures of me and posted it on our company website – oh what fun! As if that wasn’t enough trauma for my mental health, after flying back home from the conference, I find out I had tonsil stones. Great! I clear up one oral issue only to face another two months later. Yippie for me!

When will I catch a break, and why is all of this happening to me? These are the questions I end up asking myself. In order to keep myself sane and from crumbling to pieces – to the point of severe depression. I have come to the realization that CRAP HAPPENS! Yes, newsflash, I know. Sad but true. Bad things happen to good people in life, and a lot of the time there isn’t anything we can do about it but deal. In case you have tonsil stones. You can have those removed, as I did as soon as I landed.

Sometimes we may find ourselves going through things in life that we feel aren’t fair or just a stroke of bad luck. We can question or wonder why or just make the best out of a bad situation. And, how do you do that? Well, first step is acknowledging that you can’t change it, it is what it is, and as tough as it maybe, move forward. Now, you don’t have to move forward as if you’re happy – if you’re not. It’s ok to feel your feelings and not be ok, but it’s not ok to let depression overtake you and keep you down.

It’s hard for me to face my co-workers who have gotten a whiff of me in a bad way, but it was out of my hands. I change the things I can and just move forward as me in the best way I can solemnly. Embarrassing or humiliating moments can take a while to come back from, but hey, what can I do? Well, to answer that question – refusing to be a victim of circumstance. How? Don’t let your situation get you down and defeat you. Acknowledge whatever it was that happened, dust your shoes off, be sad or hurt if you need to, but move forward – even if you can’t give someone a full smile that smiles at you that day.

Life happens to us all! Some days / moments will be good and some days / moments will not be so good. Don’t let the not so good days overwhelm your mind and heart. Know that everything will be ok as time goes on and all will be right again.

Much love,
Nakesha

Why Valentine’s day is no longer a dread

As a single woman I used to dread Valentine’s day. Seeing couples constantly display their PDA on the streets or in the restaurant made me sour, and sad. Seeing couples in love, reminded me of the dreams I was once had when I was in a relationship, and the good times that were shared.

However, in this new stage in my life, I’m devoted to myself. To love and cherish. To honor and adore. And, that’s exactly what I do on V-day now. To all my singles out there, I want to say don’t see the day of love as just for couples, but for the time for you to truly love, honor and cherish yourself. The day you can treat yourself to an expensive meal, a cute pair of shoes, and a nice outfit, or a day you can call out of work to just rest and enjoy your own company at home.

Love and relationships are a beautiful thing, but for those of us who aren’t in one, it doesn’t mean that we have to be sad or bitter when Valentine’s day comes around. As much as I would enjoy someone’s company, I enjoy my own just fine.

Love ya,
Nakesha

The Most Embarrassing Thing

December 17, 2022

I’m getting ready to get extremely personal and reveal something about myself that is truly embarrassing and hard for me to believe even happened. However, I feel like as a human living on this earth that walks by people everyday unaware of the state of mind they’re in, I’m choosing to make myself vulnerable with the hopes that it will help someone who went through or is going through the situation I recently went through.

But before I get to my horrific and extremely embarrassing ordeal, I first want to express the reason I’m opening up about this is because I don’t think WE as a society open up enough about the things that hurt us, frighten us, embarrass us or mortify us to the point where our thoughts and emotions consume us and keep us from being able to see any light at the end of the tunnel with the hope of things getting better.

As I reflected on the phenomenal dancer Stephen Boss “Twitch”, and famous comedian Robin Williams, I could clearly see how they thought suicide was the only way out to free themselves from whatever issue they were dealing with. Now, I’m not saying I’m suicidal – because I’m not but I can’t say that the thought never crossed my mind, especially recently, after facing the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life.

When I would first hear of a successful, famous person committing suicide, the first thing that used to go through my mind was “Why? Your life seems so perfect! Try being me for a day.” But the truth is we never really know how a person’s thoughts maybe tormenting them about a situation they’re facing. We don’t know how people think of themselves, what they’re going through or whatever other kind of demons they’re facing. Bottom line – we just never know what a person is going through!

My issue that I am even horrified to think about is that – but let me preface this by saying, I’m cured. My situation is fixed now but I never even knew this was an issue until the other day! Anyway, I found out recently, that as cute as I am, as nice and loving as I am, as health conscious and clean as I am, I had (keyword HAD)…bad breath! I literally had NO IDEA! No one said anything to me, and I definitely couldn’t smell my own breath! And before you go in on me, yes I brush and use mouthwash everyday! I thought I had a good oral regimen so I was shocked to find this out.

Everyday I would go to work in my cute outfits not even knowing I had this problem. It wasn’t until one night I was flossing (first time after a few years) and my floss stunk! I was mortified! Immediately I started panicking wondering “Oh my GOD!” If my floss smells like THIS is this what people are smelling when they talk to me? I couldn’t deal with that thought. Right then and there I started to recall the events of the day, did anyone cover their nose as I was talking to them? Did anyone step back or walk away from me in mid-conversation? Did anyone cut the conversation short as I was speaking? My mind was racing and my heart was pounding. The thoughts of people thinking I was some disguising person with bad breath hurt me to my soul because that’s not who I am.

I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t breathe and I felt myself getting lightheaded. So many thoughts were racing through my mind. How am I going to get out of this situation? How are people going to think of me? I can’t go back to work! I can’t face my coworkers or anyone after this! I was completely and utterly embarrassed. Was God punishing me? I sat on my bed thinking about that question for a minute. I was frantic! Ok, so I haven’t been to the dentist in about 5 years but I didn’t have poor oral hygiene practices so why would God allow this to happen to me? I didn’t deserve this! I was freaking out! My good reputation was probably ruined. I decided as soon as morning hit I was going to find a dentist. No, I couldn’t wait. I need one now! Trying to calm myself down, I started scrolling through my phone for a dentist that will take my insurance. A panic attack was coming on & it was going to be bad – I could feel it! My head was hurting, and my entire body started shaking. My thoughts weren’t rational.

I was trying to come up with solutions of how I could fix this… I could just quit – not even go in. Lie and say I have a sickness? – no because what if it happens from me lying about it, plus lying is wrong. Nothing seemed to be the answer. I threw myself back on my pillows with tears streaming down my face and that’s when I noticed it. My bottle of painkillers I got from an operation I had a while back. They were just sitting there on my nightstand. All of a sudden, my racing thoughts stopped as I stared at my bottle of pills; Codeine. That’s how I’ll get out this. I’ll take these pills. I sat up in my bed, shaking my head in disbelief. Is this what my life has come to? I let out a quick prayer to God. “God, I can’t believe that you would allow this happen. I brush and gargle everyday and some nights so WHY? Lord, I can’t go on like this!” I started thinking about all the ways I felt God has let me down over the years, and felt this was one of the biggest. Reputation is everything! I screamed at him, then I started beating myself up about the situation. I should’ve kept up with my dental appointments and not cancelled. I should’ve flossed. I shouldn’t eat so much candy and cake. Everything imaginable was going through my mind of how I could’ve prevented this. The racing thoughts started again wondering if my friends and coworkers were talking about me. My thoughts were getting worse. Anxiety kicked in and it was kicking my butt. I turned my mind to thinking about my pain pills & how they could put me out of my misery. I had enough to do the job – to take me out. Trying to restrain myself, I didn’t even touch the pill bottle. Instead, I said I was going to flash another quick prayer “God, I just want to die. This situation is so embarrassing and I can’t face anyone like this! But I also know that you don’t want me to kill myself. So please help me!” I was desperate & also scared.

Right then and there, I had a thought. It was as if God was giving me the answer I needed to get through this. Life isn’t fair, just take accountability and move forward, owning what happened. An unfortunate situation happened to me but what happened, happened. Is this embarrassing? YES! Can I change what happened? No! Am I going to let this define me? Absolutely NOT! An unfortunate circumstance, had unfortunate consequences & I just have to live through it. – as hard as it may be. They say, whatever you’re going through, someone else has gone through it too. So, I know I’m not the only one that has been through this situation. Thankfully, my situation was fixable. I ended up going to a dentist and I’m all good now. But for those who may have bad breath from medication or an illness and can’t help it, don’t feel ashamed. It’s not your fault, just own it and move forward. We’ve all had bad things happen to us we wish wouldn’t have happened but we can live through it.

My hope is that people will share their most horrific stories to help other people heal. Bad and embarrassing things aren’t talked about enough but it happens to us all & it’s time we open up.

Stay blessed friends.

Nakesha